Urban Tribe Mawls the Ballers
CHICAGO – While the departure of summer brings sadness to some, it sparks excitement for kickball enthusiasts around the city. The Urban Tribe dusted off their cleats, embraced their rubber balls, and began anew their quest to become the Greatest Kickball Team in the Universe!
“We’re just happy to be back,” said team GM Denim. “With all the pregnancies and off-field hook-ups, we weren’t even sure what our lineup would look like tonight.”
The re-tooled UT welcomed three new girls to the team including Christine, Melissa, and Lindsay. The team was waiting for new nicknames to clear waivers so forenames continued to be used.
“Sometimes nicknames just don’t make it out of pre-season,” The Architect explained. “Apparently neither does the intro music, beer, or Porn Star.”
The UT (1-0) was pitted against the Ballers (0-1), an expansion team who didn’t realize at least 9 players are needed to field a full team.
While a Congressman was calling the President a liar the UT was busy schooling the Ballers in the fine art of propelling a rubber ball through a humid atmosphere. They erupted for 13 runs in the first four innings getting multiple hits from Ryan, John Kelly, Christy, Gould, Melissa, Ditka and the Joggler.
Gould nearly joined the Joggler & Ditka in the home run club, but was hit in the back with the ball as he scampered home. “Gotta be honest,” panted Gould, “my training slipped a little in the off-season. I wasn’t quite ready to go all 240 feet on that one.”
It seemed he wasn’t the only UT member affected by the layoff. Their typical stellar defense sprang a leak in the later innings, which allowed the Ballers to score 4 unearned runs.
“It’s early in the season, we’ll get better” quipped Brewmaster who struggled at the plate but made a fantastic diving grab on a ball to squelch the opponent’s third inning rally.
Second year UT member Gabby agreed. “I felt a little sluggish out there,” she said. “I thought maybe I’d loose the last 7 pounds of pregnancy weight tonight.”
But fatigue was not the only thing working against the UT in the final few innings. A new umpire missed a couple of easy calls. And at least one member of the UT was shaken when they overheard a spectator on his cell phone saying, “She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I said, ‘Yeah, that’s ’cause you’re such a bad girl.'”
The stands were packed with UT supporters that included a baby, an inquisitive toddler, an affable canine, a top-notch golfer, and the feisty K-Ron who’s sitting out on the DL this season. The UT will definitely miss her muscle in any late season rumbles.
In the end, the Urban Tribe was victorious 13-8, marking the fifth straight year they opened the season with a win. They look to continue their winning ways next week on 9/17.