Letter to the Missing Urban Tribe Members
Dear Joggler and Mayday,
I hope you’re having a swell time wherever you may be. These days, it’s hard to tell. You could be spelunking in Spain or rappelling in Rwanda. Anyway, I just wanted to write and tell you that we don’t need you anymore. Yes, your upbeat attitudes and catchy tunes when you go up to bat really add some spunk to the team. But on that beautiful evening last night, sans boom box and your funkadellic pitching, we went on to a 21-3 rout of Team Jager.
The first inning was an offensive display that we have not seen to date. When the dust settled, the UT put six runs on the board. (Actually it had just rained earlier that day so dust wasn’t a factor) It turned out those six runs would have been enough for the whole game. We were still apprehensive, knowing the mighty Team Jager was at home with an impressive 4-1 record. They certainly must have some offensive proficiency. It turned out they did, getting one run back in the bottom of the first. They seemed to understand the “kick-it-on-the-ground-to-third” technique quite well. However, that doesn’t work with a man (or woman) on first and second, especially with our third base specialist Architect and K-Ron at short. Nothing gets by those two. Force out – done. You need to be more than a one trick pony to beat the UT.
The second, third, fourth, and fifth innings were more of the same. More runs on the UT side, capped by a stunning home run to dead center field by Ryan. Good defense kept them scoreless throughout. Tribe 12-1. Now you’d think at this point we’d hold them, get the slaughter and go to the local watering hole early. The Tribe would have none of that. It wasn’t beer they thirsted for. It was more runs. The first two Jagers made it on base safely with their aforementioned technique. Then, flashbacks of our bumbling defense returned. (But you have to question whether it was on purpose so we could keep playing). On a mishandled fly to the outfield, the ball was thrown home to try to get the first runner, which was late and off the mark. They sent the second runner home while unnamed home plate defense was strolling casually to retrieve the ball, as if on a nature walk. It which could have easily been retrieved and chucked at the second player on his way home to get the third out. Bottom of 5, Tribe 12-3. Game on.
The sixth was scoreless on both sides, which brings us to the 7th. With the team that beat us looking on, we wanted to make a statement. That statement was heard loud and clear as player after player crossed home plate. With two outs and runs still coming in, JK was heard to say, “Will someone please pop it up so we can leave?” He got his wish, and all that remained was to keep Team Jager from scoring 18 runs, because the UT now led 21-3. There was a late pitching change and ace reliever Brewmaster took over for JK, who went to first base. The first batter reached on a grounder. The second batter hit a short pop up back to the pitcher, and we could have doubled them up if JK didn’t leave his post at first. Apparently he thought he was still pitching. First base isn’t as easy as it looks…
The last out was a “laser” back to the pitcher who deftly made the grab to end the game. And there was much rejoicing…
Further highlights were at Stanley’s where there was a wicked shuffleboard competition.
I leave you with the famous last words of Jim Gould (who failed to show up): “Rain or shine, my leg will be fine.”
P.S. – Meatball, we don’t need you either 😉
P.P.S – Events described above are from the fuzzy memory of the author who does not have the scorecard, and are likely to be off somewhat. Just go with it. And good luck on becoming the most famous cosmetic chemist.