Urban Tribe Massacres Kicking and Screaming Foes

Urban Tribe,

Congratulations on a great win last week. We destroyed our opponents like flesh-eating bacteria in a New Zealand hospital ward.  We’re now 4-0 and off to our best start in the team’s 3-year history. With a start like this, I don’t get why ABC News isn’t covering us like they’re covering Tiger Woods’ great start. Blasted, liberal media!

Everything seemed to click last week; our defense, our offense, our homeless spectators, and even our snazzy new jerseys.  Thanks to Paul Romanowski and the great folks over at Zazzle for making it all happen.  If you ever need a logo put together, let my brother Paul know.  The kid’s got some real talent.

And speaking of talent, let’s hear it for our team leading offensive stars Mayday McKenzie and Denim.  Both of them collected 2 hits and an RBI in Tuesday’s massacre of the Kicking and Screaming opponents.  Happily, Denim legged out a triple without being thrown out.  Nice hustle GM.  Check out the stats page for the latest offensive numbers.  We have a real race for the team batting average title.

In our victory, we exploded for a season-high 9 runs.  Almost twice as many runs scored all year!  And that rumble you felt last week wasn’t a Korean nuclear bomb test, it was the Porn Star’s latest 3-run blast that helped us cruise to a 9-3 victory.  His homer sent the opponents scurrying like Hawaiian tourists in a grocery store.  Ditka booted a solid triple and yours truly also smashed a 3-run homer.  Gould and Wild Thang had their first hits of the season and all but 4 of the Tribe scored that evening.  It was really a great performance.  No doubt the new musical introductions kept everyone inspired.  Thanks to Martha and Pink for keeping the tunes spinning.

On the defensive side we continued to shine holding our foes to a mere 3 runs.  They stayed away from the bases like elephants avoiding chili pepper laced farm fields.  We dominated with the Brewmaster making a couple great catches in the outfield and John Kelly and the Architect hooking up for our first double play.  Silky D snagged a liner at short and Denim stained his pants while making a sliding grab in right.

But the play of the night came in the 5th inning.  With two outs and a man on first, one of their players snuck a grounder between Meatball & the Architect.  Their base runner felt a surge of power, fueled by some non-e coli laced spinach and decided he was going to score.  Brewmaster threw the ball to the infield as Popeye rounded third.  It looked like he was going to make it, but he hit a slick patch of grass and flopped face first on the ground.  Unfortunately for him, the ball came to me.  I turned to him with the shiny, red, latex projectile poised between my flexed limbs.  Before he could get back onto his feet, I launched a bean ball that struck squarely on his serratus anterior sending him back to the soil and ending the inning.  They didn’t score a single run after that.

After the victory, we headed over to the Union Park bar for some drinks, food and photos.  Nice joint, and the $1 tacos were great.

This week’s game features a match-up between the only undefeated teams in the league.  We’re going to have to have our best stuff to come out victories so bring you’re ‘A’ game.

And this weekend, if you’re not doing anything Sunday be sure to come out and cheer on members of the Urban Tribe members as they participate in this year’s Chicago Marathon.  Christy, John Kelly and the Joggler are all attempting the 26.2 mile journey around the city.  They could  really use your support.

The Joggler

GM Message about next game

UT,

It’s a battle of the unbeatens on Tuesday, October 17 at 9:30 p.m. at
Union Park. To remain on top of the Chicago kickball world, we must
defeat Move Pitch, Get out the Way! on Kickball Night in America.

That’s not a typo. Apparently, that’s their lame team name.

Remember to don your orange UT shirts (Pron Star, you know who you are!)
and get ready for some kickball on Tuesday.

Please let me know if you are in or out for the Game of the Week. Denim
and Wild Thing are on Gatorade duty.

Batter Up!

–Mark

Looks like we will play tonight

Hey Urban Tribe,

Looks like we will actually get tonight’s game in.   We’ll have 13 players tonight (7 boys, 6 girls) which means 3 people an inning will sit out.  Everyone gets to kick (bat) though so get psyched out to score a lot of runs.

Tonight we play Kicking and Screaming, a team that is 0-3 but has been dangerous in the past.  Let’s just get out there and kick the hell out of that ball.

Remember, kickball is easy.   You catch, you throw, you kick.  And if you’re the Architect, you bean people in the back with the ball.

Kickball is sweeping the nation

Who knew kickball was sweeping the nation? The Chicago Urban Tribe, that’s who. According to this kickball article in Newsweek, it’s uber-popular. And when this sport blossoms into the professional, money-making machine that it rightfully deserves to be, our team will be poised to cash in.

And for our next game, check out this article for tips about stretching before the game. We don’t want any of our tribe-mates to get injured.

The game this week is at 7:30 pm.

Kickball tips

Alright Urban Tribe, here is a list of kickball tips and some of them actually make sense. For example, you shouldn’t over-run second or third base. You should also know how many outs there are at all times. Sure, there are some tips that don’t apply but look them over and think about them while you’re playing next week’s game.

When pigs in a blanket fly

9/26/06

Urban Tribe,

I’m happy to report that last week’s game was a smashing success. We exposed the Embryonic Sacs to our mighty kicking legs and squashed them like ruby grapes in a hydraulic fruit press.

With two hits in the first inning, it looked like we were going to run away with this one. But an unlucky strikeout (stupid 2 fouls rule) and a couple of fly-outs kept us knotted at 0. Our defense held strong in the second and that’s when our offense got started. The Brewmaster led off with a solid single to right field and was moved along to third by a nicely placed grounder by Meeta. Then, in his first at-bat of the season Kikta comes through with an RBI single. Danielle’s single put runners at the corners. Next, a slowly rolled ball was torpedoed out over the left fielder’s head by the joggling Greatest American Hero Wannabe, yours truly. When the inning was over the Urban Tribe was ahead 4-0. The new player intro songs were certainly working their magic.

But alas, that’s where it ended. If we were RNA sequences, the Embryonic Sacs would’ve won the Nobel Prize for keeping our offense silenced. There was actually a stretch where we had 11 outs in a row! Most shockingly, 4 of these were strike-outs. I know it’s early, but we’re gonna need a bit more than that. And maybe a bit more speed would help too. Denim looked like he was dragging a piano on his way to third base.

Of course, kickball is not just a game about scoring runs. It is also a game of defense and we had plenty of that. We picked off the Sacs balls as easily as a pristine beach absorbs Spanish Anchovies. And they were none too happy about it either. The amount of cursing and spitting from their side made me feel like I was at an Avril Lavigne photo shoot. Wild Thing had a particularly adventurous game on defense, taking one squarely off the noggin, but then making an excellent soccer pass for a force-out at second, and a dazzling back-up grab off of Johnny Damon’s injured fingertips to end a crucial inning.

Despite giving up the first walk of the season and scattering three cheesy runs over 7 innings, our defense is clearly one of the elites in the league. Admittedly, The Urban Tribe was not at full strength. Work, travel, and assignations with a paddy wagon pusher all conspired to leave our team a little short. But people need material for their blogs and the Urban Tribe will certainly not get in the way of the pursuit of love.

After the win, we celebrated with 25 cent pigs-in-a-blanket and $2 Schlitz at a great new place called Take 5. Thanks to the Architect and Adler’s Mom for suggesting.

Tonight we’ve got the Lincoln Elementary Cougars. They’ve already won 2 games and it will be up to us to send them back to the .500 mark. Sadly, tonight also marks the Pilot’s last game for the foreseeable future. Apparently, he got on new gig flying with a new airline. He and his significant offense will be missed.

The Pilot and Porn Star blast their balls to victory

09/19/06

Urban Tribe,

Welcome to another edition of the Kickball Chronicles. We’ve got a few new faces on the team and we’re poised to make a serious run at the championship this year. Last week was the first game we actually played and it was a solid performance.

Our offense was a little slow to get started. We made a little noise in the first and second innings, but we didn’t get on the board until the third when the Porn Star launched a towering fly ball to right field. Their fielder did her best to make the catch, but ended up looking more like a bumper on a pinball machine. The ball looked like one of those animated karaoke word guides, landing right on her face, knocking her to the ground and bouncing thoughtlessly away. By the time their first baseman tracked down the ball, Porny was already rounding third and easily plated our first run of the season.

After that score, our legs went dormant. Six outs in a row. There were a couple of hits scattered over the next few innings with Mayday McKenzie legging out two hits, but no runs resulted. I hope we see a little more offensive output this week. While Brew Master Boone and Sorq had some great kicks, they were just in reach of awaiting defenders. I know you, and yours truly, have a lot more hits in your legs than that.

It looked like it would be a shut-out until a fluke play in the 6th inning allowed the Kickball Ring to tie it up. With runners on first and second, no outs a line shot was nailed to Denim over at first. He knocked the ball down and touched first to erase the kicker from the equation. Then he wound up and threw a perfect strike that clipped their runner advancing to second in the back for an unassisted double play! Unfortunately, their remaining runner sensed the chance to be a heroine and just kept going after rounding third. We got the ball and made a throw home but Achilles smiled on her making her just a split second too fast. Blasted Achilles! He’s never on the Tribe’s side.

It looked like extra innings until the Pilot came up to lead off the bottom of the 7th. Earlier in the game he sent a great kick to the outfield that would’ve surely been a homer but for a surprising diving grab made by their center field. He got his revenge. On the first pitch he booted a major leaguer to right field. The ball bounded away from their fielder and Pilot kept running until he made it home. No play, game over. The Urban Tribe is now 2-0.

Our defense was solid on nearly every play. It had to be to hold our young, upstart opponents to a mere 1 run. The rookie John Kelly stopped balls like a trap door spider snagging unsuspecting fire ants as they walk past his lair. Everything the K-Ring sent his way was quickly enveloped by his spindly arms. There was some rumbling about a third base controversy but let me end that talk right now. Until shown otherwise, The Architect is still first chair at the hot corner.

Other notable performances in the field included a great grab at short by newcomer Meetha and some solid short center work by Christie. Truthfully, there isn’t much more to report as the hapless K-Ring offense didn’t put more than one or two balls past the infield. Pink made a valiant effort on a ball hit to second, but a sudden wind gust and a tricky spin allowed the ball to just wiggle out of her grasp. The gutsiest performance was put in by Jim Gould. He made every play sent his way despite a recent softball injury that’s made his left arm about as a $6 million bionic arm without a computer interface.

Nice work team. Let’s keep it up for next week.