Urban Tribe Blows Out Ball’d and the Beautiful

CHICAGO September 10, 2008- While the Saudi Arabians were putting the final signatures on their pull-out of OPEC, the Urban Tribe (2-0) was waiting for the Ball’d and the Beautiful (0-2) to put 3 more players on the field. It was the sixth inning and finding 10 brave souls among the 28 on their bench to face the fury of the UT’s offense was proving too difficult.

“When we’re kicking like that, you can’t blame them for not wanting to continue,” said team GM Denim. “I certainly wouldn’t want to be in the field,”.

The UT’s offense erupted for 13 runs before the ump mercifully called the game in the 6th inning.

“Their hitting was ridiculous tonight,” explained a homeless spectator. He later added, “would you have 60 cents you could give me?”

However, the offense didn’t start off so sharp. Mayday led off the game with a solid single and moved to second on John Kelly’s ground out. Unfortunately, concern about the annihilation of the universe by the initiation of the large Hadron Collider distracted the next two hitters, Mark & Meatball who both popped out and left Mayday stranded.

“It’s hard to stay focused when you know at any moment the field may be swallowed up by a mini black hole,” said rookie Mark.

But after the fine Miller products brought by Denim and Wild Thang had time to calm the team’s nerves, the offense clicked. Christy, Denim, Mayday, Ditka and Joggler all had perfect night’s at the plate going a collective (13-13). John Kelly, Meatball and Wild Thang also had multiple hit games. In fact, everyone who didn’t oversleep and show up to the game late managed at least one hit. It seems the new, louder intro songs were working their magic.

“I felt a little sluggish prior to the game,” said Architect, “but I had a donut for dessert and it perked me right up.” He got his first hit and run scored of the season.

Of the 25 team hits, 6 went for extra bases. Many were solid shots but the defense of Ball’d and the Beautiful was a bit shaky. At one point they had only 3 people on the infield. One spectator remarked “You can put lipstick on a kickball but it’s still a kickball.”

Joggler led the way launching two home runs and collecting 5 RBIs. Christy blasted a double but was called out when she accidentally overran the base. With speed like hers, this sometimes happens. Ditka cranked a triple & scored on Denim’s double. Perhaps most surprising was Wild Thang’s bases clearing, walk-off home run.

“That’s the first home run I’ve ever gotten in any sport!” exclaimed WT when asked about the shot.

The game was tight for the first couple of innings. The UT was down 2-3 early and while absent Tribe members Ryan was losing his tan and the Brewmaster oogled Kendra from the Girls Next Door, a couple of balls bounced off their fingertips. But they clamped down after Kelly came in and pitched a flawless 3rd inning and shut down the Ball’d and the Beautiful.  K-ron snagged a couple of shots at short stop and Gould made an unassisted double play at first. Even slower pitches to the double x’s opponents didn’t hurt.

After the game the aging team didn’t hit the bars.

“Golly, this is a Wednesday night and I’ve gotta get up to go to work tomorrow,” said one UT member who asked to be anonymous. “I don’t know how those twentysomethings do it.”

The Urban Tribe did however, manage to finish off all the beer.

Nice work team.

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