Reflections of a Rolling Rubber Ball

As I began my ascent into the night’s sky, I looked back and saw the Urban Tribe celebrating wildly. People cheering, arms flailing, and faces lit up, smiling widely. It was like watching a rally for a newly elected African American president. This was in stark contrast to the other side of the field where a gang of reprobates (their opponents Balled and Beautiful) pouted and scowled. They must’ve voted Republican.

While I went higher and higher, I saw the Joggler racing around second base yelling at Glamourous Gabby to keep going. She had slowed to stop at third, but he was already ¾ the way there and wanted her to go home. That guy is crazy on the base path. She scored and he eventually would too when Christie booted me just out of the reach of the inept second baseman.

At this height, the frigid autumn air alleviated the throbbing pain I felt where Ryan “The Hitcher” initially kicked me. While it wouldn’t be the farthest he would send me this night, it was the most painful. Of course, this pain paled in comparison to what K-ron must’ve felt when one of the B&B’s pink-clad Bruisers intentionally body checked her as she made a dazzling grab of my dusty yellow skin. The unexpected shot sent K-ron rolling onto the ground but she held me tight.

I heard a stunned Christie say, “Are you serious?”

And the bruiser, who clearly didn’t put the “Beautiful” into their team and also undoubtedly suffered a miserable childhood, hatefully snarled back, “That’s Right!”

When K-ron got over the shock she tossed me aside. I rolled to a stop at third base and watched the drama unfold. The benches cleared and tempers flared. It took Joggler and a dozen of the B&B team members to keep K-ron from confronting the pink Bruiser who cowered behind the crowd. Apparently, the Bruiser can only be bold when the other girl isn’t looking. Wild Thang earned her feisty nickname by getting into her opponent’s faces and animatedly expressing her displeasure. It took Mayday, Meatball, Denim, and a threat to cancel the game to pull her out of the fray. When it was over, each team went back to their benches and tried to resume the game. Bruiser was out and the UT was indignant. I shivered in the dirt waiting to be picked up again.

As I reached my peak, it was clear from my trajectory that no one was going to catch me. This would put the UT ahead by 4 runs, and would pretty much wrap up their first play-off win. Especially with defense like Denim’s diving grabs in left, the Architect’s super powered throws to Gould at first, and Wild Thang’s catch and tumble at short center.

Gravity pulled me back to Earth and I saw the patch of rocky dark grass where I would return. This wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable as the hand-softened landing I got from Ditka’s amazing kick, or the finger-tip slow down on the one Brewmaster barely missed. Brewmaster would later redeem his fielding faux pas with a stellar inning of shut-out pitching.

When I hit the ground and rolled into the night, I couldn’t help but feel happy for the Urban Tribe. The playoffs have not been kind to them and I desperately want them to win. They are a force of good in this crazy kickball world. Their youthful enthusiasm, competitive spirit and overall good nature is a green beacon in the darkness of a corrupt world. They deserve to win the Championship and if their legs and hands cooperate, they will.

Letter to the Missing Urban Tribe Members

Dear Joggler and Mayday,

I hope you’re having a swell time wherever you may be.  These days, it’s hard to tell.  You could be spelunking in Spain or rappelling in Rwanda.  Anyway, I just wanted to write and tell you that we don’t need you anymore.  Yes, your upbeat attitudes and catchy tunes when you go up to bat really add some spunk to the team.  But on that beautiful evening last night, sans boom box and your funkadellic pitching, we went on to a 21-3 rout of Team Jager.

The first inning was an offensive display that we have not seen to date.  When the dust settled, the UT put six runs on the board.  (Actually it had just rained earlier that day so dust wasn’t a factor)  It turned out those six runs would have been enough for the whole game.  We were still apprehensive, knowing the mighty Team Jager was at home with an impressive 4-1 record.  They certainly must have some offensive proficiency.  It turned out they did, getting one run back in the bottom of the first.  They seemed to understand the “kick-it-on-the-ground-to-third” technique quite well.  However, that doesn’t work with a man (or woman) on first and second, especially with our third base specialist Architect and K-Ron at short.  Nothing gets by those two.  Force out – done.  You need to be more than a one trick pony to beat the UT.

The second, third, fourth, and fifth innings were more of the same.  More runs on the UT side, capped by a stunning home run to dead center field by Ryan.  Good defense kept them scoreless throughout.  Tribe 12-1.  Now you’d think at this point we’d hold them, get the slaughter and go to the local watering hole early.  The Tribe would have none of that.  It wasn’t beer they thirsted for.  It was more runs.  The first two Jagers made it on base safely with their aforementioned technique.  Then, flashbacks of our bumbling defense returned. (But you have to question whether it was on purpose so we could keep playing).  On a mishandled fly to the outfield, the ball was thrown home to try to get the first runner, which was late and off the mark.  They sent the second runner home while unnamed home plate defense was strolling casually to retrieve the ball, as if on a nature walk. It  which could have easily been retrieved and chucked at the second player on his way home to get the third out.  Bottom of 5, Tribe 12-3.  Game on.

The sixth was scoreless on both sides, which brings us to the 7th.  With the team that beat us looking on, we wanted to make a statement.  That statement was heard loud and clear as player after player crossed home plate.  With two outs and runs still coming in, JK was heard to say, “Will someone please pop it up so we can leave?”  He got his wish, and all that remained was to keep Team Jager from scoring 18 runs, because the UT now led 21-3.  There was a late pitching change and ace reliever Brewmaster took over for JK, who went to first base.  The first batter reached on a grounder.  The second batter hit a short pop up back to the pitcher, and we could have doubled them up if JK didn’t leave his post at first.  Apparently he thought he was still pitching.  First base isn’t as easy as it looks…

The last out was a “laser” back to the pitcher who deftly made the grab to end the game.  And there was much rejoicing…

Further highlights were at Stanley’s where there was a wicked shuffleboard competition.

I leave you with the famous last words of Jim Gould (who failed to show up):  ”Rain or shine, my leg will be fine.”

P.S. – Meatball, we don’t need you either

P.P.S – Events described above are from the fuzzy memory of the author who does not have the scorecard, and are likely to be off somewhat.  Just go with it. And good luck on becoming the most famous cosmetic chemist.

Love,

The UT

Urban Tribe Collapses

CHICAGO – Doomed by dreadful defense, the Chicago Urban Tribe (3-1) finished up the month of September with an 8-10 loss to Team Hotness. (2-2)

“We failed. We failed as a team,” Joggler said. “There’s no pointing fingers. There’s no excuses. We as a unit didn’t get the job done.”

What followed was an awkward scene at Union Park.

The UT fans including Brian and the “can I have 60 cents” panhandler were speechless. They saw the mighty Urban Tribe rally only to fall late in the game. It made the after-game festivities at Third Rail feel more like a categorical word game about dry hair shampoo than a party.

“It would have been better if we would have won today,” Ditka said.

The dream of an undefeated season was shattered like Bush’s hopes of passing that $700 billion, rich guy bail out.

Missing Mark, Ryan & Christy due to injuries and work, plus a host of late-comers left the UT scrambling to fill spots in the early innings. Team DJ, Markie Margie Pierogi, filled in admirably as catcher to start the game. Mayday, playing short stop for the first time all season, just barely missed making a diving catch. But the UT held tough giving up only 1 run in the first inning.

Lead-off hits by Gabby & the Brewmaster were wasted when some poor base coaching led to a bases clearing double play. They’ve gotta stop letting their base coaches drink. But the offense finally came around in the fourth inning when they exploded for 4 runs. They added a couple more runs in the fifth and scored 8 for the entire game. The last one coming on an excellent line drive by K-ron that scored John Kelly.

“We scored enough that we should’ve won this one,” said Meatball who had 2 hits in 3 at bats.

Unfortunately, defensively the team experienced error after error giving up a season high 10 runs. The first faux pas happened early when first baseman Gould took an errant throw from the Joggler in the face.

“It’s tough to swallow,” Gould said. Although we couldn’t tell if this was a reference to the kickball game or the recent coming out of Clay Akin.

Other misplays happened on balls blasted out to the outfield catching the UT fielders off guard.

“I have to believe it, because it’s happening,” John Kelly said. “It’s a bad group for you to be there, as a player. I have no more words.”

When asked about the events in the field, normally sure-handed Brewmaster said, “I’d rather not think about it.” It was reminiscent of McCain’s feelings about Palin’s interview with Katie Couric.

The UT was tied with We Are Huge In Japan as the only undefeated teams prior to the loss.

“You feel heartbroken,” Wild Thang said.

Joggler (3-1) pitched a complete game giving up 10 runs on a bunch of hits and errors. He was out dueled by a smoking and drinking pitcher who had a hard time suppressing her delight.

“It is fun. I’m not going to lie to you,” Hotness pitcher Stephanie was heard saying as she puffed her cigarette between pitches. “The Tribe is good, but they just didn’t show up today.”

With the UT trailing by 2, Team Hotness sat down the last 5 batters to claim their second victory of the season. The game ended when offensive powerhouse Denim kicked a booming fly ball that was caught by the center fielder.

“I’m still kind of in shock over it,” a teary-eyed Denim said before cutting his comments short. “I can’t describe it. If I could take it back, I would, but I can’t.”

After the game the UT finished their beers and waxed on philosophical.

“We weren’t able to put it together, for whatever reason,” Mayday said. “We are a playoff-caliber kickball club that didn’t get it done.”

Get it done is what they’ll have to do next week if they want to right the ship. They take on We Get the Runs (3-1) at 8:30pm.

*Note:  The management does not stand behind the validity of any of the quotes or other information on this page.

Kickball Chronicle – Game 3 – September 17, 2008

Dear Mom,

How are you?  I’m fine.  So sorry I haven’t Skyped you but you know how it is when Urban Tribe kickball season starts.  The non-stop travel and play is taxing.  Take last week’s game for example.

We were driving back from a trip to Minnesota when Denim called and said  “The game’s being moved.”  Even worse, we didn’t know who was supposed to bring beer.  You remember the last kickball game where we didn’t have beer?  The results were disastrous.  Fortunately, Denim stepped up to the plate and brought libations to satisfy the team’s adipsous.  I know how you don’t like to encourage drinking but even Jesus turned water into wine to help save a party.

The game was actually pretty exciting and a nice distraction from the stress of the collapse of the US economy.  We scored our first run when John Kelly and Denim both hit doubles.  Mr Blue Jeans might’ve scored on K-ron’s single but alas, speed left those legs right around the same time Phil Collins torpedoed his career with that cheesy “Two Hearts” ditty.

There were a few plays which you might find interesting.  Maybe you could let me know which one you think was the craziest.

1.   Mayday legged out a dribbler back up the middle.  She was safe and then inexplicably tried to cut across the diamond to get to second base.  I guess everyone has brief moments of confusion.  Have enough of them and you too can run for president.  She scored her first run of the season.

2.  John Kelly scored after Christy kicked a single and Emmit’s stopped paying attention to the kickball.  It was sitting 2 feet from home but everyone was looking at Christy.

3.  I got called out after missing home plate and getting tagged by the catcher.  It was a ridiculous call as there was no home plate!!  I know Mom, God did it for a reason.  I tell you, I certainly wasn’t pointing to the sky after that debacle.  On the plus side, Wild Thang was happy though because she specifically told me “Don’t hit a home run because I want another at bat!”

4.  Denim slides into third base and claims he will not wash his pants for the rest of the season.  We’ll see.

On the defensive side, we had our best game of the season.  The Architect hooked up with Gould to throw out Emmit after Emmit player.  It was like watching someone play that Buckhunter game in a bar.  I just hope the Architect can make it to tonight’s game.  I saw him on Dancing with the Stars last night and he looked good.

Our outfielders were stellar with sparkling plays made by John Kelly, Ryan and Brewmaster.  JK made a sliding catch which prompted Brewmaster to complain, “How come the ball gets hit out there when you’re playing that position?”  An inning later God must’ve been listening because he had one hit to him.  Unfortunately, “Oh sh**!” was his response to that as he slipped on the field trying to get it.

Excellent plays were also made by Wild Thang, K-ron, Christy, and Meatball.  Oh yeah, and remember that girl Gabby who you used to baby sit for back in the 80’s?  Yeah she’s on the team and she made a great play at second base.  She’s been a great addition to the team.   If only she could start kicking the ball where people aren’t.  As she says, “There’s too many people on the field!”

We crushed team Emmit’s 9-0 for our first shut-out of the year.  Their team captain was heard to say “I’m gonna have nightmares about you guys.”  The UT is on fire.

After the game we went to Cleo’s where Ditka joined us.  Our Tribe got a bit loud with some team members expressing outrage at the latest Sarah Palin gaff.  Gould wowed us with trivia like “How deep is the ice in Antarctica?”  Apparently, it’s like 2 miles thick or something.

Well, we’ve got another game tonight so I’ve gotta run.  Tell Dad I said “hi” and that I’m still waiting for him to get that home made distiller going.

Take care,

Love
Perry, 44

Urban Tribe Blows Out Ball’d and the Beautiful

CHICAGO September 10, 2008- While the Saudi Arabians were putting the final signatures on their pull-out of OPEC, the Urban Tribe (2-0) was waiting for the Ball’d and the Beautiful (0-2) to put 3 more players on the field. It was the sixth inning and finding 10 brave souls among the 28 on their bench to face the fury of the UT’s offense was proving too difficult.

“When we’re kicking like that, you can’t blame them for not wanting to continue,” said team GM Denim. “I certainly wouldn’t want to be in the field,”.

The UT’s offense erupted for 13 runs before the ump mercifully called the game in the 6th inning.

“Their hitting was ridiculous tonight,” explained a homeless spectator. He later added, “would you have 60 cents you could give me?”

However, the offense didn’t start off so sharp. Mayday led off the game with a solid single and moved to second on John Kelly’s ground out. Unfortunately, concern about the annihilation of the universe by the initiation of the large Hadron Collider distracted the next two hitters, Mark & Meatball who both popped out and left Mayday stranded.

“It’s hard to stay focused when you know at any moment the field may be swallowed up by a mini black hole,” said rookie Mark.

But after the fine Miller products brought by Denim and Wild Thang had time to calm the team’s nerves, the offense clicked. Christy, Denim, Mayday, Ditka and Joggler all had perfect night’s at the plate going a collective (13-13). John Kelly, Meatball and Wild Thang also had multiple hit games. In fact, everyone who didn’t oversleep and show up to the game late managed at least one hit. It seems the new, louder intro songs were working their magic.

“I felt a little sluggish prior to the game,” said Architect, “but I had a donut for dessert and it perked me right up.” He got his first hit and run scored of the season.

Of the 25 team hits, 6 went for extra bases. Many were solid shots but the defense of Ball’d and the Beautiful was a bit shaky. At one point they had only 3 people on the infield. One spectator remarked “You can put lipstick on a kickball but it’s still a kickball.”

Joggler led the way launching two home runs and collecting 5 RBIs. Christy blasted a double but was called out when she accidentally overran the base. With speed like hers, this sometimes happens. Ditka cranked a triple & scored on Denim’s double. Perhaps most surprising was Wild Thang’s bases clearing, walk-off home run.

“That’s the first home run I’ve ever gotten in any sport!” exclaimed WT when asked about the shot.

The game was tight for the first couple of innings. The UT was down 2-3 early and while absent Tribe members Ryan was losing his tan and the Brewmaster oogled Kendra from the Girls Next Door, a couple of balls bounced off their fingertips. But they clamped down after Kelly came in and pitched a flawless 3rd inning and shut down the Ball’d and the Beautiful.  K-ron snagged a couple of shots at short stop and Gould made an unassisted double play at first. Even slower pitches to the double x’s opponents didn’t hurt.

After the game the aging team didn’t hit the bars.

“Golly, this is a Wednesday night and I’ve gotta get up to go to work tomorrow,” said one UT member who asked to be anonymous. “I don’t know how those twentysomethings do it.”

The Urban Tribe did however, manage to finish off all the beer.

Nice work team.

Urban Tribe Comes Out Kicking

The Urban Tribe showed the New Kicks on the Block what a veteran kickball team looks like.

John Kelly led off the game with a hit and quickly scored when bad girl Shannon ‘Mayday’ McKenzie legged out an infield squibber.  Powered by some sharp fielding and crafty kicking, the UT went on to win their first game of the season 4-3.

The Joggler (1-0) & Kelly combined for 12 strikeouts limiting the Kicks to just 3 runs.

“I was a little rusty, but it was breaking pretty good tonight,” Joggler said.  “I was lucky, they just weren’t getting any good leg on the ball.”

The UT’s victory came on a night made cooler by the cloud cover of a dying hurricane.  The gusts of Gustav made any ball hit into the air a real challenge.  Unfortunately, a couple of shots that would normally be caught, bounced just off the finger tips of our fielders.  Another one was lost by Chris ‘the Brewmaster’ Boone when he was distracted by a UT latecomer.

“We make those catches and this one’s a blow-out,” said GM Mark ‘Denim’ Schauerte.

There were some defensive gems however.  Tom ‘the Architect’ Szurgot had some sparkling catches at third, as did rookie sensation Ryan Robertson in the outfield.  Kelly made an amazing recovery to erase a runner at first.  But he came up limping on the play and should’ve had it looked at by team trainer Wild Thang.

When asked about his sore leg Kelly said, “There’s a reason this game is played by kids.”

Too old for the bar?

The offense was decent considering how many players were no doubt distracted by the historic and significant speech being made at the time by the most qualified Vice Presidential candidate to come along since Dan Quayle.  Kelly and the Joggler both had shoddy-defense aided home runs.

Veteran players Jim Gould and Karyn had multiple hits, as did Robertson.  Adult kickball newbie, Gabby Shilkaitis, also had a hit but confessed, “I don’t remember it being this hard in grade school.”

Indeed last year’s offensive powerhouses Mayday, Wild Thang, Tom ‘Ditka’ Kikta and Christy all struggled at the plate.  “I really think we should’ve had that practice,” Mayday was heard saying.

But in the end, the UT is off to a great start.  The management will definitely get better at showing up on time and calling out the girl’s positions between innings.  We’ll also have some great spectators as we did this week.  Finally, there’s no doubt that the rest of the season the UT will dominate better than a Russian birgade over foes in Ossetia.

What did you think of the game?  Was there anything you remember that wasn’t mentioned?  Leave a comment below.

Urban Tribe is Brining Thursdays Back

For all you planners, here is the schedule for the next two weeks of New Bar Thursdays (NBT).

5/17 Last training session – Mystic Celt @ 8 pm
(South of Southport & Addison)

5/24 Official kickoff – The Gage @ 8 pm
(24 S Michigan @ Monroe — come after the JP Corporate Challenge run)

Training highlights:

* Chris White has perfect attendance
* Small Bar barely charged us for our drinks last week
* Even the marrieds like to come out once in a while (Sorry, Chris S, couldn’t help it!)
* Beaker brought new chicks to new bar Thursday

A refresher for those that did not attend last week and still don’t know why they are getting this email…

What is the idea behind “bringing Thursdays back” aka New Bar Thursday?

Go out every Thursday, but not necessarily at a “new place,” (as in just got a liquor license and new bars stools delivered) but rather “new” in that it is not the same place as last Thursday. For some, we may be going to an old favorite, a new neighborhood (I do leave Lakeview, on occasion) it may have drink specials, it may be a celeb hangout — whatever — it’s Thursday and that’s the only reason you need to show up!

Stay tuned for more info on the New Bar Thursday blog and your participation in bringing Thursdays back!

Lastly, for those of you on this list that don’t know me all that well and for those that do, I will never actually be there at 8 pm so don’t arrive, look for me and then think you’ve been blown off. Instead, get a beer, grab a chair and ask the person next to you if he or she is there for New Bar Thursday!

See you Thursday!

Pink

Pancaking our way through the play-offs

It was a cold and rainy night.  The muddy field held water like a gorged centipede holds blood.  Only 7 of our players were there to start the game.  It was a mess.

But this was playoffs and the game must go on.  At least that’s what those blockheads over at Player’s Sports club said.  The weather and other circumstances has made scheduling games this season tough, but to make us play in such conditions was ridiculous.  Not as ridiculous as Britney leaking her own sex tape so K-Fed doesn’t make any money off it, but close.

No matter.  Most of the Urban Tribe was there, and we kicked some butt!

On offense we were clicking on all cylinders.  We bounced back from last week’s poor showing to overwhelm Mrs. Butterworth’s Ballas 11-2.  Wild Thang woke up, blasting three hits in three at bats.  She also plated 3 RBIs in the process.  Denim continued his excellent hitting as did nearly everyone else on the team.  Yours truly booted a couple of round trippers out to right field that were just out of reach.  Porn Star has got some work to do to regain the home run title.

The sloppy field made for a couple of amusing moments on the basepaths.  In the first inning, John Kelly was standing on first when I kicked a liner to right. He took off for second but unfortunately his gym shoes were smoother than a ken doll’s pelvis and he started slippin’ and slidin’.  He made it to second easily enough but my Flash-like speed got the better of me and I didn’t stop at first.  When John Kelly saw me streaking towards second he made his move towards third.  But the path to third was even slicker and he started slippin’ again.  He looked a bit like he was rollerskating for the first time in 20 years.  He made it about half-way when the short stop got the ball.  JK was a sitting duck.  Sorry man, my bad.

To make matters worse, I was thrown out at home after Wild Thang made a great hit over the third baseman’s head.  Two outs were on me and at least one of my teammates let me know it.  But after a brief marital verbal duel and a quick apology by me, harmony was restored in the universe.

On the defensive side we were solid.  For 4 innings we smothered Butterworth like a pad of butter atop a pancake stack.  They could do nothing against outfield.  It was only after being shaken down by a rogue member of Chicago’s finest that our opponents found any energy.  A couple of lucky placed shots gave them their runs.  But they weren’t enough.  The game was called after 5 innings and we advanced to round 2 of the playoffs.

Tonight marks the return of the Pilot!  Hopefully, he will provide a much needed offensive lift.  I’m so sorry Mayday and I won’t be able to attend.  But John Kelly has some skills on the mound.  The Architect is an animal is third.  On the offensive side Porn Star will try to regain the home run title.  You guys can do it.  Now get out there Urban Tribe and bring home the title!

The Joggler

PS.  Check out the Stats page for updated numbers

Stumbling to the finish line

For this week’s chronicle, I wanted to write a dramatic piece about how the Urban Tribe came out strong, fell behind, and then in glorious fashion thumped Move, Pitch Get Out the Way to finish with a perfect 6-0 record. I wanted to write that, but it didn’t happen. What did happen was a tough loss featuring the worst kickball play I’ve seen since 1985 when little Bobby Vinatari donned the blue and gold gym shorts for the first time in months and proceeded to pick up the red ball any chance he got and throw it at the closest person. Evidently, he couldn’t figure out that kickball is different than dodge ball.

On the defensive side we had more drops than a white haired clown in a pink tutu. It was as if we all dipped our hands in Vaseline before going out in the field. Now I understand that Vaseline can spice up a weekend, but this is kickball people! For the playoffs, let’s try to keep that stuff at home.

On the offensive side we were quite at best. Sure, Mayday & Denim got a few hits and most everyone else got one hit. Unfortunately, these turned into a paltry 2 runs. This would’ve been fine if we were playing a team that scored like the Oakland Raiders but this was Move, Pitch, Get Out the Way. Despite the fact that they are grammatically challenged, they can definitely boot that ball. And catch it too. They snagged nearly every ball that was even close to them. It was like we were playing the Urban Tribe.

But it’s over. Let’s put it behind us. We’ve got a lot to be proud of this season. We bested our record from last year and nearly had a perfect season. The playoffs start tonight and we’ve got to get our A game back. We need to play smooth and relaxed like Emmit Smith in his Ultraflex Jazz Oxfords. We need to catch, and kick, and keep that music spinning.

We have the talent to win the league championship for the first time in the Urban Tribe’s fabled history. Now let’s get out there and win it!

The Joggler

Bringing sexy back for a big win

It shouldn’t be possible for one October kick to change a game, change the course of a season and quite possibly the fate of so many lives.

It shouldn’t be possible, but it happens. Ask Kirk Gibson. Ask Scott Podsednik. Ask Derek Jeter. And now, if The Urban Tribe goes on to have an undefeated season and win the World Series of Kickball, you can ask another. Our towering outfielder, Ditka.

For a few moments on that cold, Halloween night it looked like The Urban Tribe was in danger of seeing their magical season tumble off an October cliff. Mayday, the scrappy lead-off hitter, began the game with one of her patented leggy singles. But fly-outs by the next three kickers foiled a promising start.

When the Lincoln Cougars stepped up to bat the night felt ominous. Would this be the night of The Urban Tribe’s first loss? The lead-off kicker smashed a booming shot to right but the wind a gravity were with us. It landed just out of play. A pop out came next as did subsequent fly outs by the next two batters. The Tribe survived the inning.

In the next inning, the Brewmaster, Joggler, John Kelly and Silky D all hit safely and scratched across a couple of runs. That left two ducks on the pond when Ditka came up. His anthem blared…”bump bump..bump bump…I’m bringing sexy back..yeah!” and the Cougars shuttered. Their rookie pitcher sent a toe-high, two-seamer heading his way. Ditka lifted the back of his front foot, planted, uncoiled and upperbooted the yellow sphere through the ionized Union Park sky.

It sailed to the outfield. Their leftfielder took off as did their centerfielder. And then it began to dawn on them, what this was. The ball kept going and going until it finally landed on the solid Chicago mud. By the time they reached it, the action was over. Ditka was trotting around third and heading for home. That kick propelled this resilient Urban Tribe team to their biggest single inning offensive output of the season. 5 runs when it was all over.

“He is bringing sexy back,” said the Architect about Ditka, “Them other boys don’t know how to act.”

But what Ditka started, others had to finish. In the fifth inning, Porn Star whacked his team leading 3rd home run of the season sparking an 8-run offense explosion. Nearly every Tribe member scored at some point during the game. Even Wild Thang (no doubt inspired by her new anthem) put on an offensive show this night.

“She really makes my heart sing,” said team GM Denim.

On the defensive side, the Tribe would bend but not break. A couple of missed balls gave the Cougars a spark of hope, and when they loaded the bases with no outs, even Adler stood frozen by the tension. But the Urban Tribe snapped out of it. A line shot to short was caught by DJ master Meatball and the inning was finished off with a nifty double play. In the end, the game was called early due to the slaughter rule and the Urban Tribe won 14-4. The Cougars quit and the Urban Tribe kept its unbeaten record intact.

Tonight, we go for the full season, clean sweep. We play the only other undefeated team so we’ll need everyone to bring their A game. One kick can change the course of history. And that kick can come from you.

Remember, remember the seventh of November.